Stuck

Its 7:40am in mid December on some road in harayana, India and we are stuck. There's fog, horns blaring, cyclists and motorcyclists weaving in between, pedestrians crossing and cows of course claiming their piece of land. If I could bring the smells along for the experience I would so do it.

We might be stuck in traffic in the moment,  but my thoughts lean more on us being stuck in our "gammund."  Gammund,is a hindi word and to me, is the idea of pride to the umpteenth degree.

Yes, this is too philosophical for this early morning but I have really slept in a few day and I havent been on Facebook in almost week so my brain is working overtime.

Gammund is something that you see that is built up over time.  It's something that is built as a defense mechanism from oneself.

Only Jesus can break this.

From June 2006

continuing on my obsession with songs, this is the one that came back to me from the past. i am almost certain if you look back in the blog pages, i have this song in here. but i dont have the time to check to make sure. if i dont have it, i am sorry i didnt share it earlier because this has been a favorite of mine since way back when.
not exactly sure how or why it came back to me, but i feel like recently i've needed it a lot! so here it is...

Come unto me
by Nicole c. Mullen

Are you looking for someone to be gentle
With your broken heart
Your shattered dreams
Are you searching for someone who’ll be faithful
To you no matter what life brings

Well I know the Maker of the storm, the sunrise
He is both the Lion and the Lamb
He is strong enough to shake all earth and heaven
Yet meek enough to take me as I am
(He says)

Come unto me all who are weary
And I will give you rest
Bring what hurts, bring your scars,
Bring the load that you carry
And I will give you rest

Are the clouds above your head oh so heavy
Bursting with showers of despair
Do you struggle under more than you can carry?
Has life given more than you can bear?

Would you like to trade your failures in for victories?
Like piles of ashes in for piles of gold
Can you fall down like a child who is helpless
So He can pick you up and make you whole

Come unto me all who are weary
And I will give you rest
Bring what hurts, bring your scars,
Bring the load that you carry
And I will give you rest


aint that reassuring? lol sure is to me. the past few weeks were hectic, between school, work and church activities i barely had a chance to sit and chill. especially when vbs was in full swing! it was so much fun though, FIESTA! that was our theme, and we went on an adventure with Chadder the Chipmunk. yes yes i know, corny but it was fun for the youngens. 300 some odd youngens and 136 adults. it was quite a Fiesta alright. after all that, it was so nice to have saturday off.

Saturday was so much fun! i finally got to go to city place in west palm. the superbowl host committee had some event goin' on. so we went to get some free food. that was a waste of time, butttt we ended up at cheesecake factory. i got the upsidedown pineapple cheesecake that is around for a limited time only. Y'ALL NEED TO TRY THIS!

then we drove out to the beach, that was fun too. although not dressed to be there, i had to put my feet in the water. we also did the typical tourist thing and dorve around lookin' at houses. lol. it was fun! i found this flowering plant i know want in my garden. the Angel's Trumpet. pretty cool lookin' flower.



kinda looks like its sad or sumthin but i like it! in my research i also found out that its toxic. lol. good going! right? something about hallucinations or something soooo i am not positive i want it in my garden butttt its a possibility.





what else did we do? oh! then we watched a malayalam movie named Hitler. no no no relation to the jerk from germany. it was supposed to be a commedy but lemme just tell you how much i laughed! they done lied to my lil sis. maybe a 1/3 of it was funny the rest was all fighting and people dying. nonetheless i hadn't seen a malu movie in months! plus it was nice to be sitting, relaxing and just enjoying some time off with people you care about.

on the drive back, God let me in on some beautiful sunset views as well. all in all saturday is a day i'll remember for years to come.
then sunday it was back to all the craziness. but tis all good. i like that i am doing something instead of just sitting around. this weekend will hopefully be a good one too. its father's day and my bro is coming down fromw otown and i'll get to hopefully see everyone.
looking fwd to friday! anyone else with me? LOL! anywho, back to work...for now...

Keep the Faith, Love God and Love Others
laerz

p.s.
got a nice break today when my lil sis came over with her fam sans uncle. we had a nice lunch, i am so glad i left work instead of staying there for 10 hrs or else i would've missed all that. God is so awesome to me! He knew i needed/wanted that. Thanx Jesus:)
take care y'all

November

Well, we are officially in December!

The Rockefeller tree was lit last night.  That,  for me, signifies the beginning of a magical time in this city.  I have a busy December in the books but there's this feeling inside of me to not get too excited.

Does that make me a cynic? I certainly hope not!! My alma mater has a phrase used during football games "charge on!" That's what I am going to do or at least what I hope to be doing every time i have a cynical thought.

Growing up I always heard "TIME waits for no one!" and I finally get what that means. As the days go by I realize that more than ever before. 

I started that in the beginning of December and today on the last Friday of this month and this year,  I am posting it.  That should show how fast time flew and how busy life can become.  Make sure you are spending your time on things you should be focusing on.

 

Love God and the rest will follow...

My pastor, Pastor Bob from Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale sent out an email and this was in it.  I had to share

"No, I’m not talking about a resolution. The word “resolve” implies a changing of your mind...the Bible tells us we need to change our hearts.

How can you do that?

• Christ has a path for you. “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Prov. 16:9)
   
• Your 'problem' may be God correcting your path for His purpose. “Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God.” (Ps. 143:10)
   
• Perseverance through a trial is not a failure. “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on." (Phil. 3:12)
   
• Today could be your last day to change anything at all. “Then I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within them.” (Ez. 11:19)"

October

So October came and went.  To say that the month flew by is an understatement. Then again maybe its because so much happened in a short period of time that I feel like I missed out on October.

*written oct 25, 2013*
One of my baby cousins visited, the svp got fired, I went bouldering,  we had a charity karaoke event, UCF won a major game against Louisville in college football,  I have had some of the worst headaches but this weekend? My brotherman is coming to see me!!!!! Well annnnnd its the last weekend before I turn 31!

Yea I said it, I am not ashamed.

I feel like I have been broken down and been rebuilt in so many areas in my life in the last yr that I am happy that I made it to 31! Ha!

Praise Jesus for being the one constant through it all.

When I felt like everything was changing and there was no one who would understand,  Jesus showed up.  He sent people to brighten up my days and music to soothe my evenings.  I don't know why I am loved so much but I sure am glad that he brought me into His family.

Carrie Underwood's song Jesus take the wheel just started playing on my iPod.  I can't imagine my life without Jesus at the wheel. A friend while praying over my life once prayed that Jesus would give me a song when I woke up the next morn and God was faithful ina answering.  Its been a request since then on my part and often. Anyone who knows me, knows what music means to me, I am so thankful for music and the emotions it can invoke.

Anywho, life has been tumultuous to say the least but God is constant and so I move ahead to tackle another day. So, help me God, help me as you always have helped.

Love God and the rest will follow!

September...

I woke ip th first day of September with the green day song playing in my head.  "Wake me up when September ends..."

I never understood why they picked this month.  I am told it was some kind of anti war agenda song so I am not sure why I was thinking of it.

Anyway,  here we are looking at October and I don't know how quickly Sept flew by.  Some folks are excited and others not so much.  I am wearing boots today and this is my "plight" for the next few months.

Its the best time of the year!

Falling leaves, hot cocoa, scarfs and boots.

September, for me, was filled with new experiences and old battles.  I went to my first Yankees game and it was "off the hook!" Old battles included the resurrection of something I thought had been put to bed at work.

October has started of with a shocking bang at work and I am not sure how to process it yet but I am not alone in this. My God will no doubt bring me through it.

No doubt.

Love God and the rest will follow.

Story of Grace

We were challenged by the pastor to share our stories of Grace.

As much as I know I am vocal of my daily struggles and thoughts and epiphanies,  I realized I might not have ever shared my story in one sitting.

I was raised in quasi Christian home.  I knew a lot about church and the Bible because I used to be good at memorizing things.  I didn't know why I knew all this or why it was important but it made my parents happy so I did it.

My family went through some trails when I was 7 and my attitude became more about living life in the moment, enjoying  the people around me and making happy memories in any circumstances.  I became obsessed with pictures because it was the only way I could "hold on to moments forever."

I fell in love with falling in love.  The idea intrigued me. So I fell in love but not all childhood love stories end up the way you see it in movies.  Not to sound like a cynic but that is my experience. 

To this day other than my battle of pride, I see myself in a  constant battle with Jesus about the whole idea of love and being in love and what love means in Earthly terms.  The more I try to understand it, the more I get lost in it. I can't grasp God's version of love and He wont give me what I want!

As this year draws to a close, I have spent another year trying to  convince God of what I need and in turn I have not received what I want.  2013 flew by and for all the days that has passed I can say I see God's grace in bringing me through because I refused to walk quietly.  I stomped, I had to be dragged and occasionally carried through 2013. No regrets is how I always wanted to live but this year i have some regrets.

So thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

Love God and (somehow) the rest will follow...

Big fish or small fish?

Everyone has heard the expression big fish in the small pond and vice versa.

I have been thinking,  which do I prefer to be?

Of course there are pros and cons to each option. Do I want to be the one challenges or is challenged? This very moment in my career I find myself in a weird place.

I can somewhat consider myself a big fish if you want to compare degrees but if I were to say let's move to another pond,  then I would be the small fish. Is that unnerving?  Is it uncomfortable?  Is it what I want?

Yes, yes and I don't know...

I had a conversation with my sister the other day about how God had taken us to places away from safe and comfortable.   Why had He done that? In the prayer of Jabez,  we hear the words "expand my territory"  is that literally?  I think you could pray it literally but in many cases I think it applies to not just literal space.

Expanding who you reach with the Word of God is the Holy Spirit's call.  But stretching your comfort level is what you allow God to do in your life.

When Jesus confirmed my call for India,  I kicked and screamed for years.  I tried to circumvent the initial plan by manipulating the plan and how I carried it out but in the end God did what he said he would.  I find myself contemplating long term possibilities in that country.  I didn't want to stretch my comfort.  But its in the battle where you disappear and God takes over.

Being the big fish is about comfort and control, when you become the small fish, you know that you have to give in to someone bigger, stronger and wiser.  You stretch your faith and your hope. Its uncomfortable but life changing.

So does that mean I now want to be the small fish and everything is peachy?

Nah, I still kick and scream and my Loving and Patient Jesus walks with me and The Holy Spirit reveals to me continually about His plan.  God is loving and merciful,  and He is JUST. What he says will go, it's just up to us if we want to experience His plan or stumble along in our own plan.

"So also will be the word that I speak— it will not fail to do what I plan for it; it will do everything I send it to do."
-Isaiah 55:11 GNT

This is the verse that finally got me to stop kicking and screaming about India and I pray it blesses you.

Love God and the rest will follow...

My identity

I seem to be confronted by the same issue over and over.

What's my identity?

Who validates me?

When I went to India in 2011, it was revealed clearly that I was to find my identity in Christ the Son of God. Sinner or saint,  leper or not, orphan or not, our identity is found in our God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

I find myself in this battle again today.  My CEO didn't recognize me, then he couldn't recall how long I had worked for him. It brought tears to my eyes initially.  Then I had to remind myself that this man does not define me.

When I pass from this earth, will Jesus recognize me?

That is my only goal and battle.

I seem to be thrown this loop a few times a yr. My brother, my parents, guys i like, my coworkers and my bosses.  Its always been a fight for me.  Every single time I resolve that it is God who matters.  Yet somehow here I am again.

Jesus, know your servant. Search me and know me. Your approval, FATHER, is all I want. Holy Spirit guide me and show me who I am in your plan.

Love God and the rest will follow!

Falling...

'The idea of Falling in love starts with a negative connotation with the word fall... this implies a possibility of fractures and breaks.'

This is a paraphrase of a dialogue in a hindi movie I saw recently.

The argument was that one shouldn't fall in love but allow it to grow through experiences. Coincidentally I had a similar conversation with my dad just the day before.

This idea of love at first sight is engrained into us as young girls,  but as you grow in this world you realize, lust is at first sight and love will hopefully grow later.  I don't mean to sound like a cynic but on almost every occasion I hear people say, "I liked him/her at first but love came after all our  years together."

The premise of love is tied to the idea of endurance.  The more you endure, the more learn about the people around you. There is only one relationship where this does not apply.

The beauty of this is that our Creator God fell in love with us when He created us.  Why is he capable of loving us differently than what we can love?

Perhaps it is because HE IS LOVE!

He is so in love with his children unconditionally that He gave up His life for the sacrifice so that we would be worthy of His Heaven.  Ever hear of anything this ridiculous?  I use that word with full respect of the reality that no other god in all the other religions has made that kind of sacrifice.

The best part?

He rose from the dead. Jesus didn't stay dead.  My God is an alive and constantly working on me kind of God.

If I want anyone to love me, its God. And lucky me, He already does.  So anyone else is a cherry on top of my fun sundae :)

Do you know this Love? If not, ask Jesus to show you what He meant by giving up His life and then rising from the dead.  As he reveals it to you, you will find that this is one relationship where you don't have to constantly wonder if He truly Loves you.

Love God and the rest will follow...

Where does your help come from?

When we have an emergency we are trained from our childhood to call 911. As a kid I didn't understand who would come to help but I knew help would arrive.  To this day, I have never had to call 911 but I still have hope and faith in the system that help will come.

I find myself doubting that Jesus will come and deliver the world from trouble sometimes.  How is that possible? I am not sure why but sometimes I think,  we are going to drown in our sin and sorrow because we deserve it.  Humanity has strayed and continues to stray so far from Jesus' plan that we don't deserve a second thought.

However,  the beauty of the Love of the perfect God is that He delivered us 2000 some odd years ago.  In the midst of all the sin and sorrow that covers the world,  we have an out.  Do you want out of your lifestyle? Do your choices make you cringe?

Jesus loved you before you made those choices and he continues to love you now that you made the choice.  You just have to  choose Jesus to be your savior.  He will never forsake you and will always walk with you.

He lived and died for sinners like us.  All he asks is that we choose to live life with Him instead of ourselves. This day, I pray you choose life eternal with Christ.

Love God and the rest will follow.

What are you praying for?

When my cousin Jer was a kid, he used to pray "...Bless Appa's car, bless Amma's van..." we used to chuckle while he prayed because it was so cute and sweet.

There was an innocence in that prayer though and somehow as adults its hard to recreate in our prayers.  Sad but true.

We want to sound like scholars while we pray to Our All knowing Creator.  I am not sure what we are trying to prove to him but there is something inside of us that feels like we need to show God how far we have come from our childish days and ways.

The thing is sometimes I get lost in the adult sized prayers. Yes, I agree that as we mature in Christ,  we have to change the way we live, act and speak.  However, I also believe that we should remember that we can never and dont need to impress God. He has already loved us with His life.

The change in us should be evident to the world in our way of living, talking and acting. God already knows about the changes He is making in our lives.

The best part is no matter what comes out of your mouth, He knows your heart so you can't fool Him by sounding righteous on the outside while harboring something on the inside.

The innocence in my cousin's prayer reminds me of what it should be like when I approach The Throne of Jesus and sit at His feet. I have no pretense, I have nothing to hide, I will say all that's in my heart since God knows it all anyway.

When we love Jesus with all our heart, mind and soul, we will see that impact on our lives, actions and words. We will end up praying in a way that is humble and humbling.

Love God and the rest will follow.

Flashbacks...

We see flashbacks in movies and TV shows, its used to remind the viewer of something that changed the course of the storyline for a character or the  story as a whole.

My entire life I have enjoyed having a photographic memory. It helped in school a lot! As I get older I see it fading a bit but I still hear "you remember a lot of a details, huh?"

The downside of this type of memory? sometimes it can put you in places you never were in the first place but have imagined what it might have been like to be there.

This morning as I was walking to the train station, I saw a young man lying in the middle of the road.  There were two women and a man surrounding him and  cops were just showing up on the scene to direct traffic.

One of the women was stroking his head and speaking to him so I am assuming he was conscious. His face was bloody. I am not sure what happened in this instance but it immediately catapulted me to the middle of a road on Jan 1, 2012.

I wasn't there when Dan got hit but when I saw this, every part of my being suddenly went to that moment. While sorrow took over for this young man as well what Dan was feeling during that time,  My Father in Heaven reminded me of something else with another flashback of sorts.

Dan smiling the last time I saw him.

Suddenly I was filled with HOPE,  I pray for that young man, that he would meet Jesus just like Dan has through the entire journey. 

While God is a just God, He is all about lovingly restoring us if we bring our broken spirits, bodies and minds to Him. You might ask why do bad things happen to us? The thing is the phrase "every cloud has a silver lining" is not just a phrase.  If you believe in Jesus, He promised that He is using All things for the good of those who believe.

So while this morning has already been a heavy morning for some of us, we need to remember that Jesus never stops working on our behalf and for our benefit in eternity.

So no matter what comes to you today, you know my mantra.

Love God and the rest will follow....

Freedom of?

As the fourth of July comes upon us, a sense of "patriotism" surges within the masses.

I place quotes on the word patriotism because just as soon as it appears, it disappears.   We hear it said all the time, " we don't appreciate the freedom we have in this country."  In many ways I agree with that statement.

But in the recent days, I feel like parts of our society is running rampant in the freedom aforded this country.  When a child is given an inch, the tendency is to try to take a mile and with that comes consequences.

In the pursuit of happiness, we have lost our identity in what our forefathers wanted for this country.  Have you ever considered what it meant for them to leave their native land and take to sea?  All for their wish to spread the Gospel of Jesus.

There is a monunent between Hyannis and Boston.  The Monument of the Forefathers.  Its not taught about in schools,  I studied several versions of American and European history and this monument was never discussed.

The thing about this monument is that it reveals so much about the real reason why these people came in search of a new world. Its clearly stated, in stone, might I add that they came in pursuit of religious freedom and to spread the Gospel.

Don't tell me this country wasn't founded on The Bible.

It was founded because of The Bible!!

Those people loved God so much that they wanted to make sure the Good News was spread to the ends of the Earth so they physically and monetarily exhausted themselves. What followed for them was a brave New world but somewhere along the lines,  something went awry.

Now this country has become about erasing God from our daily lives, trying just enough to make it through the task, taking from the hard worker and giving to the lazy man, "caring" for the ones who know how to beat the system while the ones who need help get beat up by the same system.

All the while,  men want to be women and women want to be men.

If for one second we don't see how this would grieve the heart of Our Creator then there are bigger problems than any of us realize.

All we have to do is allow Jesus to reveal His love to us, then the way we look at this world will fix itself.  In His time and provision,  He will reveal what His world should look like and at that time if you are on the right side then you are set for eternity.

Love God and the rest will follow.

Hope?

There's a poster around town these days, "All bad things must come to an end." If you ever saw the show Breaking Bad, then you know about it.

Its an eye catching poster but what brought me to notice it was an eight yr old.

He was walking with his dad and he was reading posters out loud. As soon as he completed the sentence,  he said " well, that's not true! "  his dad came back with "you don't think so?" And this youngen just shook his head.

They walked away from me but their interaction stayed with me.

Since then I have shared this story with quite a few people and some are surprised by the child's reaction, others just shake their head in agreement.

What has happened to HOPE?

I know that for a Christian,  our Hope is in Jesus Christ and in the last week or so I see how the world around me is so far away from that.  By pushing God out of our everyday lives, we have given up Hope and Joy.

I get riled up when I think of how folks talk about taking out "under God" in the pledge. What other authority would you want to be under? Your own?  How do you then find Hope?

Do you hope in yourself?  In a body that breaks down when you push it too hard?  In a mind that can't wrap itself around the universe and its existence?

Why do you believe in Jesus? That's a question that I get often. My answer? He is my Hope when nothing in my life makes sense.  This world, the people in it, my body, and mind will let me down but Jesus never has and so I know He never will let me down.

Love God and the rest will follow.

(That is the HOPE)

Thin and ugly...

The title seems like an oxymoron in our world, doesn't it?

I don't mean ugly in the matters of looks,  I am referring to their personalities.

I sat next to 2 models the other day.  By the world's standards,  they were good looking and thin. The issue was the things that they spoke about and how they said it.

It was just past 8am and the amount of swear words was unbearable.  To top it off they spoke of fellow models and their cocaine addictions.  They spoke of one the girls telling them that they couldn't attend an event because they weren't skinny enough.

It went on for about 30mins.

I just sat there thinking,  if this is the ugliness that is showing on the outside, what's it look like on the inside? Jesus, please help them!!

Love God and the rest will follow.

The word "Complicated"

Every single time I hear someone say, "it's complicated" I think to myself, is it really? Or is it something you don't want to deal with?

Sometimes it is truly complicated,  your heart is tugging at you from all sides... none of it makes you sad but picking just one option doesn't make you jump for joy. You want it all.

I want it all! I want a satisfying means to an end. I want a content lifestyle where I don't have to worry how bills will get paid. I want to smile and not have to hide hurt. I want to serve the children who don't know love.

Then there's the whole I want to travel the world. (But we all know the likelyhood of that panning out is slim to none)

I want a lot of things but I am reminded that I have the one thing that really matters and that would the promise of eternal life in Jesus Christ.

With that comes a sense of relief. I know as long as I live a life honoring my Jesus, the rest is taken care of by the fact that God loves his children.

I might not travel the world but I will have breath in my lungs to proclaim His majesty :)

Maybe its not all that complicated,  not for me at least.

Love God and the rest will follow!

Who is in charge?

Who's the boss was a great show back in the day. I only ever saw reruns but I know it had a lot of fans.

One of the guys in Bible study quit his job and has nothing lined up for afterward. He is taking a sabbatical.

My first thoughts, I hope he has  money saved up...interviews lined up... who will pay bills?  Maybe he has none?  What's he gonna do next?

As much as I am sure he covered all this in his decision making process, I haven't seen a person so at ease especially in new york.  The whole purpose of this city is money. Making it big in NYC brings with it some clout that you can make it in any city.

Yet somehow this guy's actions are the opposite of what NYC mentality defines.  He is at peace,  confident and is completely going with the flow of what God has next for him.

Who's the boss?

In this guy's life? Clearly he is trusting Jesus to lead the way.  Even in this world, where he is the anomaly for even doing just that, he has taken another step in trusting and by that he has honored Jesus!

It made me question who was the boss in my life? Do i trust myself more than i trust Jesus?  Is that wise? Is it radical that someone would trust The Creator and The One who sacrificed His life? 

Why do I find it unnerving while it seems just fine to others?

This applies more today than ever...

Love God  and the rest will follow!

Do you really know?

Who knows you best?  Is it your family? Is it your friends?  My standard answer is that I know myself best.

But recently I have been thinking,  do I really?

I had myself convinced that I wanted to be married to a rockstar at one point.  Kevin, from the Backstreet Boys, preferably.

I thought I wanted 5 kids now its 1 maybe or 2 adopted kids?

I always wanted a saint Bernard,  now? A puggle or an english bulldog?

So? What makes me think I know what I want in my future husband???

I can't even make up my mind if I want to cut my hair short or not.

As for my husband,  I am done making lists that keep changing and priorities that aren't important anymore.

God has a lot of work to do and I am not about to stand in His way.

Love God and the rest will follow...

Ya neva know...

Last night I saw a slew of postings about a young man who went to OK as part of a mission trip to help tornado victims. His car was in a head-on collision and his life was taken from him.

What a way to go...

I don't even know him and there is an air of sadness when I think of his parents and family.  Then I think to myself, God used him and in that moment this man of the Lord had done all he had to do.

He was an example to youngsters, he gave up his time to go on a mission trip further showing the level of sacrifice.

What an example!

May God be glorified through this guy's life and death.

On the other hand, my aunt suffered a stroke a few days ago. Initially they said it was pretty minor now they are saying she is bleeding in the brain.

Am I sad?

Sounds weird when I even think it but I am not sad about her condition physically as much as her spiritual health.  If only she would confess that Jesus was her Christ but she finds it hard to believe she is lived because of the life she has lived.

Its easier said than done is what anyone would say from the outside looking in. And that would be a valid statement in her case. Except if you see how God really has been there through every step.

If only the veil would be removed so she could see that.

Father, may it be so!

A life of sacrifice is great but a life that glorifies and points to the Creator will always trump anything we can do.

Love God and the rest will follow...

All set?

I say those two words to clients on a daily basis.

"All set, john doe"

This morning my devo topic was the big ten versus the big two commandments. And I thought to myself,  "am I all set?"

The big two commandments of course being the two that Jesus said that basically summarized the big ten given to Moses.

Matthew 22:37-39 GNT

Jesus answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and the most important commandment.  The second most important commandment is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’

So?

Do we love God with ALL our hearts, souls and minds? ALL?  Are we holding on to something in our hearts that we haven't confessed to The Creator of our hearts?

Are we harboring anything in our souls? Hurt? Unforgiveness? Those things burrow deep into our souls.

My main issue is my mind. I allow my mind to go down rabbit holes all the time. Ones that are not helpful in any way for me to explore. Even this morning I took a trip regarding issues that don't change anything for me. But I allowed it to ruin my morning until I took it to Jesus!

What a friend we have in Him!!

I know some might argue that we won't be 'all set' until we are in Heaven but I am talking perfection. I am talking about perfect submission.  I'm referring to that state of mind where God is truly going before tou and you are content in what your world looks like because of that.

Loving our neighbors, that's got to be one of the hardest commandments!  People will always find a way to "harsh my mellow." Its a fact basically.  However, Jesus tells us to love folks even in that. I am convinced he said that because he knew that would only be possible when we lean on Him for strength.

Every waking moment we have to crucify self, and remind our selves of the Gospel! 

Love Jesus and the rest will follow!

Lying prophets

Are you a liar?

Are you a prophet?

I know the answer to one of these questions.  I am a liar, I have lied before,I am sure I will lie again. I am not sure why I do it, sometimes its just easier to get what I want by twisting the truth a bit.

I am guilty of it.

As for prophet, well as a child of God, I am called to walk a path apart from the world.  A genuine struggle because it is not my human nature, its going against the grain. But it forces me in essence to call on the Lord of lords.

In his book, The Explicit Gospel, Matt Chandler explains how sometimes we need to go back to the basic principles.  God is to be revered, not taken lightly. In his presence,  we have to have a healthy fear, we have to be in awe of the Creator not the creation around us. We have to be careful that we never come to a point where we think we are smarter than God.
If we are able to accomplish these things, then being a lying prophet is not an option.  Jeremiah 23 warns us of listening to lying prophets and also being one.

Who will it profit to be one of those people? NO ONE!

Father in Heaven, save us from ourselves!

Love God and the rest will follow.

The walk...

I walked 2.5 miles of my town the other day and the things I saw made me realize that I live in a bubble. 

I didn't realize respect for elders was a choice.  A single mom yelling at her baby's father about how he had the day off and chose to sleep it off instead of spending some time with the child. People cursing at each other. Women referring to their friends with demeaning words as if it were their name. I didn't realize that these things had become the norm.

I knew it was happening but not that it was normal to do those things.

I am not even looking at all these things from a Biblical point of view.  Just as a human who raised with principles? Ethics? Has our world forgotten or has it chosen to walk away from it all?

I tried to rationalize it but I can't find a way in which these things are ok let alone normal. 

What's your definition of normal these days?

Men holding each others' hands in public? Women making out with other women on the street? Society is so desensitized by the movies and television that this is all now part of the redefined "norm."

Now the other side of me is racking every nook and cranny to find where this is ok.  The amazing, awesome part of this experience?

Realizing that my God, my Jesus actually died for all of these people.  I am a sinner just like everyone else and He chose to die for all of us and took our sins upon Hs shoulders.

I stand in awe.

Everytime I think of this concept. 

At Bible study,  Matt Chandler talked about the concept of the Gospel being just much for the Christian as it is for the nonChristian.  Just because you heard it and got saved doesnt mean you then tuck it away.

The Gospel is for you.  Everyday. Your sins today, Jesus redeemed you from them.  He is your righteousness every moment.

The walk through this world is filled with moments where you think you have a handle on all of this but the truth is you are not respectful, you dont show up where you should, you break rules, you curse but most off all you choose to live lifestyles that are not glorifying The God who created you.

Guess what?

This is why you need to remind yourself that the Gospel is for you everyday.

For God so loved the world that he gave us his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. -John 3:16

Live God (daily) and the rest will follow...

Family defined...

How do you define family?  I feel like these days we throw this word around like it means nothing.

If you think that I am going to say its everyone related to you by blood then you are not going to like what I have to say.

In recent years I have seen the value of gold dimish. Platinum was better, then titanium came on the scene. 

At the end of the day gold is just another metal.

I feel like the word family has become the same way.  Friends became best friends then bffs then family.   What does any of it mean?

I am walking around with 20 sisters 40 brothers and I don't even call half of them once a month?

ENOUGH!!

If I am to be labeled good enough to be part of family,  then treat me like it.  And I will make sure I treat you the same.  If I ever call you my family,  know that I would sacrifice my personal life and time for you.  The sad part is,  this is not true for a lot of people in my life.

I am tired of people calling me their sister and then not being a part of my life or not allowing me into theirs.

I have more people who are not my blood related family who are invested in me and allow me to invest in them.

At the end of the day, blood doesn't relate me to you or you to me. Relationship does!

Jesus died on the cross! Knowing that or acknowledging that doesn't make you a Christian.

A relationship does...that is all!

Love God and the rest will follow...

The real reason why...

I met a girl once who said she switched from Christianity to islam because it had more rules and she needed that.

Mind. Blown.

But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Humans may cry they want freedom but once its given to them,  they have no ability to restrain themselves.  Look what happened in history over and over.

America? Wanted freedom from Britain but then ended up enslaving other humans...

Israelites? Wanted freedom from Egypt but ended up bowing down to a cow...

Taliban came under the guise of freedom for Afghanistan and it turned into law filled governing...

There are so many instances where countries claimed to be getting freedom from a military dictator but ended up in religious oppression.

Why do people find it so hard to live in freedom?  Recently, my pastor was saying that a lot of evangelicals are leaving the church to join messianic temples because they felt as though they needed more rules and rituals.

The concept of Grace is astounding and dumbfounding, I know.  I cant wrap my head around it.  I try to make up rules to try to keep me in line sometimes.  I even try to scare myself by contemplating what happen if I dont do certain things to honor Jesus.  Its quite comical really!

The thing is as easy or free as some might deem Christianity to be, it has been the hardest thing I have yet to live out.  Fighting the human side and giving up things to Jesus is not easy.

The reward? Eternal life of course.  Sounds utterly ridiculous,  right? But that's what the Bible says and so I believe. But that's not the only reason why I believe...

I believe because Jesus has done extra ordinary things in my life that cannot be explained. I believe because He has proved himself over and over even when I have not.

So, really, if you think about it living in freedom is harder than it sounds. 

Don't say you want to wear a burkha or hijab to feel like you are more religious.  And to top it off dont decorate your hijabs. The real reason for those is to make sure that you don't attract attention to yourself. By putting decorative patterns,  jewels on it you are completely defeating the purpose.

If you are going to follow a tradition, keep it traditional, don't change it.  It was put in place for a reason. 

Jesus calls you to live in freedom from culture and tradition. But with this comes the relationship.  Being in a relationship is not a free for all, you are required to work at it. But its done in love and justice.

Love God and the rest will follow...

Trust...

I had an entire post on trust and I accidentally deleted it... guess I can't trust my own fingers!

The basic idea of the post was the possibility of never being able to trust.

As a child I was raised in a country that was foreign to my parents.  Therefore I grew up hearing a lot of "dont trust anything the people here." And things along that line.

So I found it hard to trust anyone that didnt look like me.

When I moved here, one of the people who looked like me, violated my trust.  Talk about irony, ha!

So I lived a life of trusting very few people often the list didnt include even myself.

Then I noticed something as I became a bit more mature in my walk with Jesus.

I tend to place my trust issues on God.  I equate God and the humans around me.  As a believer in Christ and the Almighty God, that sounds absurd, I know.  Its also sadly the truth for so many of us.

I heard a sermon by Francis Chan just the other day where he mentioned this very fact.  When we are looking for God's will for our lives, we tend to forget that He is faithful and He is trustworthy.  So why is it so hard to believe that God will come through when we are at a crossroads?

I speak for myself only when I say its because I transfer the faults of the human race to the qualities of God.  Is this something you deal with in your daily walk?

I pray that this is something I will intentionally fight and something that you will fight in our lives.

If we are going to claim that we believe in all of God's attributes then we must believe that above all He is trustworthy since thus far, He has done all the things He had promised.

Love God and the rest will follow...

When the trust runs out...

I have been thinking about the level of trust and does it ever end its course with certain people?

The phrase "Trust me!" is used and over used if you ask me. If trust has a starting point then it has to have a point when it stops, right?

I dont trust people very easily so maybe this topic is more than just a topic to me.  Where does my distrust for humanity come from?

My childhood involved a lot of "dont talk to anyone,  cant trust people in this country..." because I grew up in a country that was not native to my parents. They were safeguarding their daughter, I get it.

Then the invasion of my childhood home by a crazed man further fueled my distrust of unknown people.

But it threw me for a loop when I moved to America and one of our own native people violated my trust. Ha! Irony, gotta love it.

Then things like 9/11 and most recently the Boston marathon bombing happen and the distrust of people around me continues to grow. Now, everyone could be "the bad guy" and I know I know that a lot of these same folks look at me and think I am not to be trusted.

I know utopia was never truth on Earth and never will be but is it just me or this worse than ever? I mean what's a world where you cant even believe the words that your own sibling is saying to you?

The worst part? I project all this on to God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit.

God is the only one who has sacrificed His own life to show His trust worthiness and I find it hard to trust Him. The worst part? He continues to love me through it all. 

I wake up every morning with the same thought,  "I can't believe You loved me through last night and are letting me see this morning."  He trusts me to lean on Him and proclaim Him so why dont I trust Him back for His plans and His timing? What carries me through even when I dont trust him?

Grace... its His grace that carries me from one distrusting moment to the next.

The truth of the matter is that even in my distrust He shows His trust in me because He can. Because He is God and because well... my other option is eternal damnation and He is merciful enough not to let me go through that.

Will He correct me? Will He redirect my path? Well of course! He is a Just God too! If I was just swimming in grace and mercy I would not know true Love. 

At the end of it all, I put my trust in one thing only and that's God. His provisions, grace, love, justice and mercy!

Sometimes I wonder where is the cut off? When does God say, I dont trust you anymore? Will he say that? Why do I say it all the time? To him or to other people?

If I can stop trusting people, can God stop trusting me? For my sake, I pray I never find out!

Love God and the rest will follow!

Lies are from...

Where did the urge come from?

If you are Christian,  it came from the serpent coaxing Eve to eat the fruit.

If you are human, it seems to always be the easy way out.

If you are Indian,  its how you save your pride which mostly comes from, the fear that you arent good enough.

For me? I cant wrap my head around this need to hide things or lie.  I lived a lie for a long time, a lie that I was a good Christian...

I believed the whole time. Well even that is a lie. I doubted the existence of this Supreme Creator God.

I pretended to br interested but guess what, He called me to him.  MULTIPLE times.   My first encounter,  in 11th grade.  My second,  in college. And they few and far between and I thought that was normal and the way things worked with God.

In the last 6-7 yrs, I have come to learn its more like a moment to moment thing.  God speaks, we just have to be in tune to hear at all times.  He is working constantly, He wants us to know that, be aware of the reality of that.

Some of us live life as if no one is watching.  As long as we project on the outside what we want the world to see then we dont have to deal with the reality of what's happening on the inside. 

That's a lie!

God will bring it to the light.  He brought my fear of being alone out for me to deal with in front of the world.  He brought my urge to tell white lies out in the open.  He brought my fears out.  He brought my inability to trust to test last October.  Why? So that I am aware that He knows and also because He cares that I am overcoming these and not getting bogged down by them.

My Father in Heaven, break your children Lord! Break every chain that ties us down.

Love God and the rest will follow...

Over done?

This morning my reading had a bit of Job's story as a reference. That man had it all taken away and he was made to suffer throughout with boils.

Overdone?

My friend and I made a soup and it sat in the crockpot a little longer than it should have so it turned more into a chili than soup.

Overdone?

People killing each other, forcing authorities to place entire cities on lockdown.

Overdone?

This is the world we live in. Sometimes it doesn't quite make sense in the here and now but in hindsight it will.

For all the three scenarios above, my answer is NO!

Job's story had a beauty of its own. All of his experiences gave each one of us a story and an example to look to about perseverance and humility and long-suffering.   Most of all, Job never stopped trusting in God.  Through it all, God was still Job's ally.

The soup that turned to chili? Something comforting in a hearty chili on a cold and rainy night.  The spices were just right and the entire dish pulled itself together while cooking. Beauty that initially I might have refused to see, now is more than evident. Why? Because I changed my perspective. Praise Jesus it is edible, right? In this case its edible and comforting.

As for the lockdown?  Authorities are completely in the right.  Those heartless people who have gone on this rampage? Utterly insane! The authorities who have to put their lives on the line? Heroic beyond words. Who wins? Who loses? At the end of the day, I want to venture to say, everyone loses a part of their peace,  a part of their sanity and part of their feeling of safety.  New Yorkers will never return to the same place they were at before 9/11 but they have fought through it and Boston will do the same. In the long run, if even one person comes to know Jesus as his/her Lord and Savior then some good came of it all. Personally,  I would want another means to bring people to Jesus, but God uses all means.

In the end of it all, I see how we can take something that makes no sense, that seems overdone and turn it around for the better.

One thing I know for sure,  Jesus is never overdone.  He is never out of line or out of style.  God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit will always be reliable, accountable and most of all The Truth.

Love God and the rest will follow...

Rest...

Been a while, it almost became a chore to remember to log in and do this.  The thing is... I was really miserable at certain points and knew that if only I wrote my thoughts out then I would be able to process all that was running around in my brain. And somehow I still didnt do it, just chose to wallow instead. Not. Heatlhy.

A few days ago I had this feeling again so I decided to get the app on my phone.  This way I have no excuse for not blogging anymore.  Coincidentally, I got a text from Jyo the same day, that said "you should start a blog" that's when I realized that the youngens in my life didn't even know that side of me.

Had that girl died out while maneuvering around the paths of this life?

Why didnt I feel like I had a moment of rest when it came to my thoughts recently?

Then talking to one of my sisters this morning I was reminded that the idea of rest is something we tend to take for granted in the world we live in.

We are reminded of the need for rest even in the creation story when our Creator took the seventh day to rest.

Why then, as humans, do we not see the need for it? And why are some of us not blessed with the ability to rest?  Even when we want the body to rest, our minds are bombarded. These days with so much available to us via the internet on our phones and tablets and tv and computers, its a miracle we even blink.

The idea of rest is necessary on so many levels.  Our bodies, physically need to rest the muscles and every system has a need to rejuvenate while at rest.
Mentally we need rest from thoughts and things being bombarded at us.  Meditation is a popular way to "unwind" for this very reason. It brings clarity to decisions we might be pondering over.
Our soul needs rest from being teased by the world all the time. Most important of all, our spirit needs rest so that Jesus can mend and heal what He needs to in our soul.

We have convinced ourselves that life xan be lived without rest, without healing and worst of all without Jesus.

We need Jesus for he is the one who said,

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."
- Matthew 11:28 NASB

So we must learn to find our rest in Jesus "who will all our sorrows share."

Love God and the rest will follow...