Did I miss it?

My dad said something to me a while back and it kinda stuck with me in relation to the rat race that is my life in the city.

"How long will you be chasing trains?"

I often think to myself, 'did I miss the train?' did I miss my calling in life? Did I miss my beloved? Did I miss the opportunity to work in the perfect job? Then I recall something that one of the wives of an elder at my church told me. "God only gives you what's good for you in this moment in time"

So I hold on to that hope and anchor my soul in the fact/promise that if it was good for me I would have it right now!

I didn't miss my calling, this is my calling right now.

I didn't miss my beloved, Jesus is my only beloved at the moment.

I didn't miss my the opportunity to work on my perfect job, the job in have right now is perfect for me in this moment.

God and I are in the perfect place for a time such as this.

Would i change  my circumstances? I certainly would tweak a few things here and there but then again I don't know the wholelive ry yet so I am living in the moment here.

I have moments of elation when the boy that I think I love smiles at me or better speaks to me! Or when my VP randomly messages me and says "good job!"  While I personally would dial those moments up and tune down the moments of loneliness or months where i feel like in any get my head up above water at work, I will live in this moment now.

Love God and the rest will follow...

What am I doing here?

Some days I wake up and think to myself "let's just go off the grid today." Then I remind myself that I am an adult with responsibilities. Also, there would be consequences to my action. So I convince myself that I will work on getting one thing done today and I will do it well.

There's a Chicago song that comes to mind,
Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say
From each other

Even lovers need a holiday
Far away

It's good for the soul sometimes to just walk away for a bit. The confirmation that you are exactly where you should be comes from the fact that you are excited to be back. Some of us struggle with where We are now, others with where they feel led to be, still others with the fact that they don't know where they should be in this moment in time.

The quest for me is the stressful and fun part all at the same time. I have a God to rely on for the foundation when I think no am drowning. So when I feel like running away, I remind myself one thing...

LOVE GOD AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW...

I. Am. Not. God.

Young man, the secret of my success is that at early age I discovered that I was not God." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. 

I was prepping for a Bible Study last night and this was a quote that was laid out in the book that we are covering. Right before I got to this page, the song "heart of worship" was playing.

"I am coming back
To the Heart of Worship
Because it's all about you,
It's all about you Jesus."

And I woke this morning with that on loop in my brain. Somewhere along the way, I turned this life into a ritual. I made it about me and my survival skills. I figured out a way to exist but not to live. I made it about me in the temporal and essentially change my point of view.

As a believer in the words of Jesus Christ, this world is my temporary abode while I fulfill a desire of God's heart. When I am done here, I get eternity with Him in heaven. To a someone who hasn't believed, this sounds like insanity.

I grew up in the church and I thought this was insanity too. Until one day, your eyes are opened to the miracles God does and the way He guides us through obstacles. God isn't sitting idly by hoping that you make it. He is helping you and one day you will see it.

If you know me, I live by music and lyrics. Recently, I heard a song by Francesca Battistelli called 'where were you' and it summed up a lot of what I was feeling in that moment. I had decided that I could survive on my own and then when it failed, I was sad and hurt that God had left me all alone. Truth is, He never left.

"One set of footprints, on the path I'd been on
But you say you've been here all along, oh
If you really loved me, like nobody else
Why was I walking through hell

How could you miss me?
With my hands in the air
I thought you were listening
Oh, I thought you'd be there!

Where were you?
When I had no one to turn to
Where were you?
When my worst fears were coming true
Where were you?
I thought you'd come to my rescue

When my prayers bounced off the ceiling
I was facing down my demons
When my legs gave up beneath me
And I fell into your arms

Where were you?
When I had no one to turn to
You carried me through
On your shoulders, black and blue
I never knew
The footprints in the sand were you
Were you

One set of footprints, on a path I'd been on
Now I know they were yours all along"

Love God and the rest will follow.