Renewing of a lifestyle...

I have recently been in a reflective mood. I keep comparing my life to a year ago.

I was told looking back was not necessarily healthy but I am not looking back as if things were better or I wish I was living that life again. I definitely dont wish I was on unemployment again.  However, I am looking back to see how God has grown me, how i have let Him down but He has still held me together. 

My pastor said tonight:

Patient continuance in well doing and holiness is the only sure evidence of grace.

No matter what I have to persevere, I have to hold on to God. People can be in bondage to sin and most people wont admit it. It doesnt even have to obvious.  Cravings for pleasure or excitement can lead to someone who because a prisoner to pornography.

There will come a time when misery will be the only result and it will hit us hard if we dont take steps to walk away. TAP INTO JESUS. He is the only one who can lead us away from sin.

BREAK EVERY CHAIN FATHER!

Awaken us and show us whats holding us back from connecting with you completely.

Today, I ask God for forgiveness for looking for pleasure in places other than in His plans for me.  I ask God for freedom from the chains that hold me back from experiencing His world. I pray, God, for peace in knowing that you are going to always set my paths straight and all I have to do is trust. Thank you for being patient and thank you for never forsaking me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Love God and the rest will follow.

525600

One of the songs I enjoy the most is the one from Rent, "525,600 minutes..."

September ended with a bang, it was very stressful and I kept reminding myself that last year at this time I was in a state of suspended animation almost. I knew not what lay ahead of me yet I kept moving forward with each day.

Then again, isn't that everyday any way?  I am trying very hard to not quote King Solomon at my mundane tasks,  "meaningless, meaningless everything is meaningless..."  I want to scream it but I have a hope deep inside that it isn't meaningless.  it isn't, my life thus far hasn't been, so why start now???

Last year I didnt know how long I would be unemployed, when would I get a means of an income, how would I pay my bills? However, I had a peace.  It sounds completely insane but I was in a place of utter surrender.  Today? I am back to running in the hamster wheel and in the last 10 months, I have somehow started to think I was in control? Maybe? HAH!

So I did a fast, I did 40 days of surrender, I tried everything to force myself into utter surrender yet I was still struggling to believe that everything is taken care of by the same God who has taken care of me all of these years. Why? I had to remind myself of how BIG my God really was, I needed to come back to the basics. I need to be a friend of God. I didnt hang out with Him enough and so I didnt "know" him, I had forgotten his attributes.  Just as any other friendship, I needed to hang out and chat with Jesus.  I needed to tell him my thoughts and feelings but more importantly, I needed to listen and be attentive.

So? We come back to the basics.

Love God and the rest will follow...

IT WILL!