I had someone recently just gush about their state of mind considering the fact that they were saved. That God in His infinite MERCY and GRACE chose this individual. And i thought to myself, well you have a reason/purpose on this earth.

But in this case, thats not it... She had this smile on her face, she was in awe. the words of my pastor at CCO rang in my ears. "Don't ever forget the awe and wonder of our Lord!" I get so complacent with our Lord. I ask, He does His will, I pray, He does His will, my life goes on.

Sometimes, I miss the days when I was just in awe of the fact that His grace rescued me from the pit of hell...

I wonder if people around me ever wonder about that. Do you think that your life now will lead to anything in the eternal? Where are you ending up if you took your last breath right now? Will you find yourself in the presence of the Almighty? or in Hades?

My aunt passed away this week and while my celebrating hat has been retired for this year, I am reminded that this life we live now is but a mere dress rehearsal of what is to come. Where she ended up for eternity is between her and the Lord. I cant sway him either way. Only her life and her choices will deem her fate. The same is true for all of us. In the end, its between each one of us and our Maker.

The Lord has extended his arms out to you. He has sent his ONLY SON to this world. Jesus gave His life for your sins. NOW ITS ON YOU!

Tell yourself what you may, but living in sin will not just go away or stop. You must consciously decide to WALK THE OTHER WAY! REPENT!

Love God and the rest will follow...

p.s.

please continue to pray for my brother and his choices in life. Only God truly knows...

"I died in you..." -E.I.

I heard this line in a song this morning and it sent me for a spin! All these thoughts, memories and most of all the unresolved feelings and dreams came rushing back. I spent about 2 hours just thinking... pondering... contemplating... imagining life if i had not died inside that many years ago. To be healed, we have to walk through the pain, all these years, i think i just masked the pain behind life in general and today it all came apart. not a good time at all but all too necessary so that it is possible for me to walk away and leave it all in the past. will it happen over night? highly unlikely...

While I processed through the pain, i realized...

I LIVE IN CHRIST!

I...

LIVE!

The KING of KINGS and His Son gave me life eternal. I just wanna put it out there for anyone struggling with pain of any kind.

heartbreak?

someone close to you passing away unexpectedly??

dreams not coming true?

life coming apart at the seams?

Jesus can heal, restore and give purpose to our otherwise mundane and pain-filled life. He carries the pain and puts the burden on Himself and sets us FREE!

and that my friend is how

I!

LIVE!

IN!

CHRIST!

Love God and the rest will follow...

This weekend will go down in history as one of the hardest... the amount of people who got hitched/engaged/announced babies on my FB was ridiculous! I am happy and ecstatic for all these people and their life paths. I truly am...

BUT I kept doubting all weekend if what I was doing this whole time even made any sense? waiting? for what? and when is it coming? then yesterday one of the gals from IPC orlando posted the anthony evan song "wait" on her FB and i kinda snickered it away... didnt click on the link or anything.

I know what you are thinking...when is she gonna get it? if she would just trust and hold on it would happen... i am not lying when i say it seems to be getting harder than easier to hold on. i tried getting plugged in (i went to a bible study at church for singles and everyone there was at least 50 yrs older than me! that gave me a glimpse into my future of utter loneliness..FUNNNNNN!) i tried focusing my energy on the Word and while its been exciting to actually feel like i care about what the Bible says I still find myself during the day wondering if any of this matters.

So i woke up this morning and I checked my Verse of the day as usual and it was Psalm 27:14

"Today's Verse

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

— Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

Thoughts on Today's Verse...

If there is anything we don't like to do, it's wait. Maybe that is why God is so interested in us learning to do it! There is something purifying about remaining strong in tough times and remaining faithful when ill winds blow. So God gives us times of waiting to see if our search is really for him or merely for something new or easy.

My Prayer...

Loving Father, I know you have waited for me so many times -- for me to show my faith, repent of my sins, grow in holiness, come to you in prayer, act more mature, give to those who cannot return my care ... Help me as I wait for you to show me the way with my decisions, to act to relieve my need, and to reveal your presence in my loneliness. I really do seek you with all my heart. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."

-verseoftheday.com

Now I am out of my skin/my element/and in tears again. I am not sure... I have listened to that "wait" song twice already...

Last week this time I was experiencing the effects of my concussion. Look at me now... unaware? ungrateful for the restoration? NO! i am completely aware that it was an act of mercy and grace that I am able to sit here yet in that awareness I am on shaky ground about my allegiance to HIM and HIS plan. I am so tired of the ups and downs... I am so tired... Please pray for me...

I want my life to be about something more than just falling in love and marriage and children. although i desperately want those things I want to want HIM more :(

Love God and the rest will follow

the rest...

will follow...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tuf1HJLVzPU&feature=related

‎3 questions...

1: Does cold exist?

2: Does darkness exist?

3: Does evil exist?

-Lee C.

A friend posted this on his facebook status. I found these questions intriguing. not sure where he got it from or if he was asking them but my initial answer to all were: YES!

But then I thought about it a bit more... I realized that the answer is sooooo not so simple...

The truth of the matter is that

1:in the absence of heat, cold exists.

2:in the absence of light, darkness exists.

3:in the absence of good, evil exists.

So then I began to think about how just becasue its cold out, it wont snow. The clouds have to form, the sun has to be covered up and then the land can be cold enough to hold the snow.

When children are after of the dark, we get nightlights for them. This ensures that it will never be completely dark in their room. The only reason this is true is because the nightlight is lit all night.

This holds true for our lives. When we set God aside or dont engage with Him at all, we allow the evil to exist. Aside from existing, it can also form a stronghold in our lives.

My pastor this morning said there are 4 types of faith that show up in John 6.

-pessimistic faith

-questioning faith

-materialistic faith

and the only one that matters

-childlike faith

The first 3 of course are the ones that still exist in this world even among 'Christians.' However, the one that counts and is important is the childlike faith.

If this faith of believing that good exists and God exists is hard to form then the evil in our hearts will continue to form and grow.

I LOVE IT WHEN GOD CONNECTS LESSONS FOR ME!

Love God and the rest will follow!

Its been a while. A friend asked me the other day when I had blogged last and sadly I couldn't recall the date. That made it clear that I had to blog ASAP. Of course that was like 3 weeks ago. BUTTTT i finally made it here.

I am close to completing my work at UCF. I am 2 weeks away from completing all the work. 3 weeks away from officially graduating. sigh! last time i ran away from being responsible, this time i am so confused as to what i should do. part of me just wants to go back home to my folks and friends and what not BUT the other part wants to stay here.

I hate living "alone" anyone who has been around me long enough knows that. even being in the same apt with my brother still feels like i live alone because we never hang out. There are so many factors at play here that I am not sure if i am coming or going half the time. ALL this being said, God is still in control and on the throne! I know He is working out a master plan and I will wait patiently for what He has in store.

Vishwasa has been a fun blessing to me. All these youngens give me hope that there are some good people left in this world. To see their struggles saddens me but I know that if/when they come out of these trials, they will be that much stronger against the enemy. I just wanna shout to them to hold on and not to run away from God's plan for them. I know in my heat of hearts they have to fight it on their own. They have to see God working for/with/in them. They also have to see how the enemy is/will continue to attack them. Only they can learn the lessons, I can learn it for them. I pray that God is more prevalent in their lives than the enemy so that they can grow stronger against the enemy.

In the last month or two, I had some visitors. One from Jersey and one from Weston. Times spent with them have made summer fly by and i loved all of it. I also was able to take a road trip out to NOLA. We had the best people taking care of us, the pastor and his wife cant be beat. (can i get another burger with a side of mac-n-cheese pllllllease!) Memories to last a lifetime with my walkie talkie buddy/bff from college/sister in Christ! Love ya maverick! July 4th weekend and my buddy Gabriella!! Good times all around!

In all this I grew. My time in NOLA showed me how lost people are in this world. Soothsayers, tarot card readers and fortune tellers surrounded the courtyard of a church and it blew my mind. I was surrounded by vodoo shops and my gut shivered. I felt something in my soul when one of them stared me in the eye. These experiences showed me that this world isnt just what i deal with on a daily basis. Its so much more than that. I heard a testimony of a friend who joined other Christians who decided to "visit" during mardi gras. The experience of meeting God blew my mind but then hearing of the stories of meeting other spirits threw me off my axis altogether. The world we live in is not our own, friends.

I know I probably sound like a crazy woman but the thing is I have seen and experienced things in the recent months that can not be explained and/or ignored.

I want you all to know that ONLY GOD CAN KEEP YOUR SOUL SAFE. Only He knows who/what/when/where to battle the spirits and I promise you that if/when you tap into that world it is not something to tread lightly about. I do pray that all of you will come to see the promises of love and safety that God provides.

Also as a Christian family, my family at home found themselves in prayer for a baby's life. My IV and Vishwasa family here joined in as well. God has stayed true to who He is and blessed us through the trial. Please pray for this baby to continue to gain weight and grow strong after her surgery. Once again I have learned that He is in control and all is done for His glory!

Love God and the rest will follow...




p.s.
my prayer for my brother continues. God has shown favor on his life and saved him from injury during a recent car crash. My prayer is that my brother doesnt ignore the value in this. The prayer continues for him to find his TRUE self and that he finds his identity in God and not in people around him. I claim him/his life for Christ and will wait for the Lord!

Today on verseoftheday.com was
Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. - Ephesians 6:10-11 (NIV)

In the show How I Met Your Mother, the character Barney always says "suit up!" Right before he goes out on any of his "all important dates" Everyone cracks up when he says it. For a while I did it too. Barney means that a guy must put on the best suit he has and of course everything that goes with it so that he may make that perfect impression on the woman of his choice.

Interestingly "suit up!" can be applied to Christians as well. We are to put on a suit of armor that the Lord has provided before we go out into the world everyday. The belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sandals of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and of course the sword of the spirit (the Word of God.)

Wherever we go, we are to wear our sandals of peace and not strife. Wearing the breastplate of righteousness makes sure of the fact that we will be truthful and righteous towards everyone we deal with in our path. The belt of truth makes sure that we are truthful thus making sure that our righteousness is not ruined. All of this is possible of course because we are wearing a helmet of salvation. Since we are saved, we know that our paths are different from someone who is not saved. Now the shield and the sword of course are for the war that the enemy who will attack. He attacks all the time and with anything he can. As believers, we are hopeful to be able to stand up to any and all attacks. The truth of the matter is that we are still human and we fall.

When we fall, its the armor that saves us from getting "hurt." We must be careful not to lose faith. God makes promises that we are to hang on to. Above all we must rely on the fact that God is the only one who does not lie, cheat or steal. God is peace, righteousness, salvation, the truth, and faith. God is love! God is reliable! God is... well... God!

Love God and the rest will follow!

I finally took a trip that I had been dreaming about for many years! My family and I went to the west coast. A family friend was getting married and so we planned a trip around that. This trip came together on moment by moment basis. While I thought this would bring my family closer, it might not have done that. In fact it might have pushed us all into our corners a little bit more. Sad! I know! but there must be a pain before the gain right? Something has happened in my family, that i thought we were immune to. We became dysfunctional. I never thought that would happen to us!!! Sadly, in the ignorance of thinking that we would always stay the same happy go lucky family, I lost my brother.

I lost my relationship, my friendship with my best friend! We have turned into acquaintances who speak only if we have to do so. In his journey to finding himself, i lost him. How ironic! He has found this group of people that he "does life with," whatever that means. His family is playing second string right now because in the last 4-5 years that transition occurred and none of us caught it. I will always love my brother, of course, but i dont know him anymore. These people take up his whole life and something feels wrong about it.

I have a distinct feeling that something else is going on in his life. I have no idea what it is, but I saw this online and it reminded me that as long as I pray to my God, i have HOPE!




So thats that my friends, I resolve to fight for my brother, no matter what it takes! no matter how much anger i feel, i hope to push it aside and pray for him. i ask that you pray for me in this fight. every time i feel like i am losing, i retreat and i know i cant retreat anymore. the enemy has beaten me down many times. i fallen prey to many traps where he has convinced me that i can not do any better than this. BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH AND I KNOW THAT I AM A CONQUEROR IN CHRIST'S LOVE!

i ask that you please pray for a cleansing of mind, body, thoughts for me so that i can focus on fighting for my brother. i need him to see that family is what sticks. i want him to see that family is who you "do life with." most of all i want him to see that doing good works will not make him a Christian but that recognizing sins and fighting with faith and submitting to God is how you show your Christianity. I love my brother and I want him back. I hope that you will join me in praying for him and my whole family as we go through this trial.

Love God and the rest will follow!