Annnnnnd its been a while... all over again...hahaha... maybe blogging is dying out of my world... then again sometimes its just what I need.

soooo whats happened since we last met?

I went to India!

yeaaaa thats right my people... I went to India on my own account not to visit family and not becasue some died... i went becasue God made it possible...

I had a chance to meet with lepers, orphans and other children of God...

I might sound like a crazy woman when I say this but I dont care!

Jesus let me hang out with Him as He works among these people and I will never trade it for anything in this world!

Coming back to "real life" has been hard but I know that God has me here for a reason and I will find my contentment in that. My eyes have been opened to so much about God's heart and His want and His love. I am so beyond blessed to have been a part of that occurence. Also, I started my new class today, seems like it should be fun. I am going through rollercoasters again and somehow I wouldnt want it any other way. Jesus is all the strength I need and want.

My golden birthday is coming up in 5 days. sounds pretty by that name but this means that I am ending my 20s in 5 days... wow! I will officially be walking in the 30th year of my life. BUT I FIND COMFORT THAT I AM NOT TECHNICALLY 30 yet! hahahahah

I never thought i would be here at this age but then again who in this world has any ability to look into the future? Ms. Cleo, where you at? hahaha

Its a good thing my joy comes from my salvation and not from this world because my flesh would find a way to twist this into something sad. When I cant see my next step, I lean on my Jesus for his word is the lamp unto my feet. I shall where my Maker leads and be content that ALL THINGS TOGETHER for my good!

Love God and the rest will follow!

Ever have someone snap at you for absolutely no reason at all? I have someone in my life who does this every time they are around me.  They go days without seeing me or speaking to me and the time that this person does share with me is always about the yelling at me, correcting me or ridiculing me for something. I am not positive as to why this happens, I am not sure why this person chooses to do this to me.

Last weekend, I saw this person around other people and they were all touched by this person's gentleness and kindness.  So what is it about me that brings out the worst in this person? Tonight I was sitting around, minding my own business when suddenly I was given the third degree about random things and then told that I should not even check the mail if I was going to forget to bring it inside. (I accidentally left it in the car.)

I am at a loss for words, tears and feelings about this situation.  everyone keeps saying God is going to fix it, well... i guess it has to get a whole lot worse before it gets better??? I dont want to give up and run but how much more of this do I have to endure?

My only comfort is that if Jesus can give His life for me while wearing a crown of thorns...I can endure some harsh words...

I love you more than words... despite the words...

Love God and the rest will follow

I have been taking some classes lately... I am working on my Masters.  Why would someone work on a masters for a field that they have never worked in? because this someone believes that one day her God will provide a way for her to use these skills to bring Him glory.  I have had many people ask me, what do you see yourself doing with this degree? I, unlike, many others cannot tell you what I see myself using this for.  Mainly because I cant bring myself to believe that I will use it for anything.

SIGH

There I said it out loud.

In my heart of hearts, I want to be a mom.  which means I need to be a wife.  In the conventional world I come from, this is only acceptable path for me to be on in order to achieve my dream.  A friend of mine threw caution to the wind and moved 1500 miles to NYC this week.  If only I had had that same courage 5 or 6 years ago.  I wonder where my life would have been today.  Then I remind myself, whatever choice I made or fear I allowed into my being, I cant regret it now.  Swallow the pill and live this life that I chose.

SIGH

There I said it out loud.

I am planning on going on a missions trip if the Lord wills it.  this trip has been an awakening experience for me already and I haven't gone anywhere yet. A song by Adele was brought to my attention the other day.  A song that burned me, made me think of the past, regret snuck in, what ifs snuck in.  I let it get the best of me and the last week has been horrendous.  To top it off, I found myself yet again in a place ready to take a leap of faith and looked around to find... I was alone... no one wanted to jump with me...again...

SIGH

There I said it out loud.

I allowed my flesh to win... I gave in and made room for my flesh to fight my spirit and the Father of Lies came up from the pit of Hell and beat me senseless. I let him beat me.  Then the song You are More came to mind.  I am more than all the problems I create...I had to bring that song, those lyrics, that TRUTH that the ALMIGHTY LORD OF ALL thinks I am worth more than all of this pettiness. And that my friends brought me back to where I needed to be in the first place.

SIGH.

There I said it out loud.

LOVE GOD AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW.