Ever have someone snap at you for absolutely no reason at all? I have someone in my life who does this every time they are around me.  They go days without seeing me or speaking to me and the time that this person does share with me is always about the yelling at me, correcting me or ridiculing me for something. I am not positive as to why this happens, I am not sure why this person chooses to do this to me.

Last weekend, I saw this person around other people and they were all touched by this person's gentleness and kindness.  So what is it about me that brings out the worst in this person? Tonight I was sitting around, minding my own business when suddenly I was given the third degree about random things and then told that I should not even check the mail if I was going to forget to bring it inside. (I accidentally left it in the car.)

I am at a loss for words, tears and feelings about this situation.  everyone keeps saying God is going to fix it, well... i guess it has to get a whole lot worse before it gets better??? I dont want to give up and run but how much more of this do I have to endure?

My only comfort is that if Jesus can give His life for me while wearing a crown of thorns...I can endure some harsh words...

I love you more than words... despite the words...

Love God and the rest will follow

I have been taking some classes lately... I am working on my Masters.  Why would someone work on a masters for a field that they have never worked in? because this someone believes that one day her God will provide a way for her to use these skills to bring Him glory.  I have had many people ask me, what do you see yourself doing with this degree? I, unlike, many others cannot tell you what I see myself using this for.  Mainly because I cant bring myself to believe that I will use it for anything.

SIGH

There I said it out loud.

In my heart of hearts, I want to be a mom.  which means I need to be a wife.  In the conventional world I come from, this is only acceptable path for me to be on in order to achieve my dream.  A friend of mine threw caution to the wind and moved 1500 miles to NYC this week.  If only I had had that same courage 5 or 6 years ago.  I wonder where my life would have been today.  Then I remind myself, whatever choice I made or fear I allowed into my being, I cant regret it now.  Swallow the pill and live this life that I chose.

SIGH

There I said it out loud.

I am planning on going on a missions trip if the Lord wills it.  this trip has been an awakening experience for me already and I haven't gone anywhere yet. A song by Adele was brought to my attention the other day.  A song that burned me, made me think of the past, regret snuck in, what ifs snuck in.  I let it get the best of me and the last week has been horrendous.  To top it off, I found myself yet again in a place ready to take a leap of faith and looked around to find... I was alone... no one wanted to jump with me...again...

SIGH

There I said it out loud.

I allowed my flesh to win... I gave in and made room for my flesh to fight my spirit and the Father of Lies came up from the pit of Hell and beat me senseless. I let him beat me.  Then the song You are More came to mind.  I am more than all the problems I create...I had to bring that song, those lyrics, that TRUTH that the ALMIGHTY LORD OF ALL thinks I am worth more than all of this pettiness. And that my friends brought me back to where I needed to be in the first place.

SIGH.

There I said it out loud.

LOVE GOD AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW.

What a day!

I woke up soaked in sweat around 4:30am, that should have been a tipoff as to the what kind of day today would turn out.

I found out I have retake a slew of training courses/tests for my job.  Mind you I have taken ALL of these courses and tests over the last 5 years working for this company but no one can find any documentation to prove it and so I am "attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis" or 'screwed' for the non Big Bang Theory fans.  SIGH!


So I went into work a bit early, figured I will knock them out, but no...I have to redo courses before taking tests... sooooo I spend my time not getting paid as I work my way through these courses.


So then my friend/director's boyfriend comes in with some iced coffee for her, and I chide him a bit for not bringing me any coffee (not that I even drink that stuff ever, but just to be me, I do it) Of course she shares with me without me even asking cause she is just that rockin'.  So I have some iced coffee in one of my fav coffee cups that she gave me for christmas.


Class begins and half way through, my hand grazes the cup and it falls off the table and hits the metal window pane and meets its demise.  One of my fav cups lay there, coffee everywhere and my cup in 50 some odd pieces.  SIGH!  


Thats what I get for being mean to a very nice person who was just being sweet on his day off.


Then all these little things start getting to me, one thing after another, even when I was driving.  I had this low-rider truck following with his high beams on for about 15 minutes.  SIGH!


In all this I am reminded by a small trinket sitting on a window pane... Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." God found me when the enemy was trying to run my day.  God found me!


No More SIGH! Praise the Lord! 


So instead of doing something stupid,  I went to the gym.  90 mins of cardio; 5.5 miles; cant feel my legs but I feel good somehow.


At the end of the day I am sitting on the floor, holding my breath because the Miami HEAT are in overtime against the Chi-town Bulls.  Perhaps my day wont end on a bad note. 


OK so not all of my day was bad... we got the game 101-93! we lead the series 3-1!


God-willing I will wake up tomorrow and get a chance to try for a better/new day!


Love God and the rest will follow!