When you fall...

I went to a worship concert the other night. It was the token revival type of event and I struggled.

I struggled to focus.

I struggled to sing with gusto.

I struggled to pay attention to the speakers.

Most of all I struggled to just keep my eyes closed during prayer.

I was thinking of things, people, planning how I would get home, trying to decipher if I was hungry. My mind was all over the place.  I looked around and saw people engaged and tearing up and although my physical presence was the same as theirs, I was not there in any sense of "being there."

So, I sat down.

I put my head down.

And I asked God why He brought me there...

Asking "why" is my norm. God has always been kind to answer most of my why questions. There, in all the music, drums and singing, in the midst of the "Amens," I had my moment of peace with My Lord.

I had to fall down in order to stand up and experience what was happening around me.  I wasn't expecting that fight that night. I wasn't ready BUT my God was ready. I am so thankful that I serve a God who is always ready and for His legions of Angels who are always ready.

I will never stop fighting with myself but I hope and pray that one day I may come to a point in my life where I have more days of trust and peace than uncertainity and chaos.  I know my God is faithful and he will bring me to this place, I just need to be ok with the pauses in between to learn lessons.

As it always has been for me, my phrase rings true once again...

Love God and the rest will follow!