September...

I woke ip th first day of September with the green day song playing in my head.  "Wake me up when September ends..."

I never understood why they picked this month.  I am told it was some kind of anti war agenda song so I am not sure why I was thinking of it.

Anyway,  here we are looking at October and I don't know how quickly Sept flew by.  Some folks are excited and others not so much.  I am wearing boots today and this is my "plight" for the next few months.

Its the best time of the year!

Falling leaves, hot cocoa, scarfs and boots.

September, for me, was filled with new experiences and old battles.  I went to my first Yankees game and it was "off the hook!" Old battles included the resurrection of something I thought had been put to bed at work.

October has started of with a shocking bang at work and I am not sure how to process it yet but I am not alone in this. My God will no doubt bring me through it.

No doubt.

Love God and the rest will follow.

Story of Grace

We were challenged by the pastor to share our stories of Grace.

As much as I know I am vocal of my daily struggles and thoughts and epiphanies,  I realized I might not have ever shared my story in one sitting.

I was raised in quasi Christian home.  I knew a lot about church and the Bible because I used to be good at memorizing things.  I didn't know why I knew all this or why it was important but it made my parents happy so I did it.

My family went through some trails when I was 7 and my attitude became more about living life in the moment, enjoying  the people around me and making happy memories in any circumstances.  I became obsessed with pictures because it was the only way I could "hold on to moments forever."

I fell in love with falling in love.  The idea intrigued me. So I fell in love but not all childhood love stories end up the way you see it in movies.  Not to sound like a cynic but that is my experience. 

To this day other than my battle of pride, I see myself in a  constant battle with Jesus about the whole idea of love and being in love and what love means in Earthly terms.  The more I try to understand it, the more I get lost in it. I can't grasp God's version of love and He wont give me what I want!

As this year draws to a close, I have spent another year trying to  convince God of what I need and in turn I have not received what I want.  2013 flew by and for all the days that has passed I can say I see God's grace in bringing me through because I refused to walk quietly.  I stomped, I had to be dragged and occasionally carried through 2013. No regrets is how I always wanted to live but this year i have some regrets.

So thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

Love God and (somehow) the rest will follow...

Big fish or small fish?

Everyone has heard the expression big fish in the small pond and vice versa.

I have been thinking,  which do I prefer to be?

Of course there are pros and cons to each option. Do I want to be the one challenges or is challenged? This very moment in my career I find myself in a weird place.

I can somewhat consider myself a big fish if you want to compare degrees but if I were to say let's move to another pond,  then I would be the small fish. Is that unnerving?  Is it uncomfortable?  Is it what I want?

Yes, yes and I don't know...

I had a conversation with my sister the other day about how God had taken us to places away from safe and comfortable.   Why had He done that? In the prayer of Jabez,  we hear the words "expand my territory"  is that literally?  I think you could pray it literally but in many cases I think it applies to not just literal space.

Expanding who you reach with the Word of God is the Holy Spirit's call.  But stretching your comfort level is what you allow God to do in your life.

When Jesus confirmed my call for India,  I kicked and screamed for years.  I tried to circumvent the initial plan by manipulating the plan and how I carried it out but in the end God did what he said he would.  I find myself contemplating long term possibilities in that country.  I didn't want to stretch my comfort.  But its in the battle where you disappear and God takes over.

Being the big fish is about comfort and control, when you become the small fish, you know that you have to give in to someone bigger, stronger and wiser.  You stretch your faith and your hope. Its uncomfortable but life changing.

So does that mean I now want to be the small fish and everything is peachy?

Nah, I still kick and scream and my Loving and Patient Jesus walks with me and The Holy Spirit reveals to me continually about His plan.  God is loving and merciful,  and He is JUST. What he says will go, it's just up to us if we want to experience His plan or stumble along in our own plan.

"So also will be the word that I speak— it will not fail to do what I plan for it; it will do everything I send it to do."
-Isaiah 55:11 GNT

This is the verse that finally got me to stop kicking and screaming about India and I pray it blesses you.

Love God and the rest will follow...