This weekend will go down in history as one of the hardest... the amount of people who got hitched/engaged/announced babies on my FB was ridiculous! I am happy and ecstatic for all these people and their life paths. I truly am...

BUT I kept doubting all weekend if what I was doing this whole time even made any sense? waiting? for what? and when is it coming? then yesterday one of the gals from IPC orlando posted the anthony evan song "wait" on her FB and i kinda snickered it away... didnt click on the link or anything.

I know what you are thinking...when is she gonna get it? if she would just trust and hold on it would happen... i am not lying when i say it seems to be getting harder than easier to hold on. i tried getting plugged in (i went to a bible study at church for singles and everyone there was at least 50 yrs older than me! that gave me a glimpse into my future of utter loneliness..FUNNNNNN!) i tried focusing my energy on the Word and while its been exciting to actually feel like i care about what the Bible says I still find myself during the day wondering if any of this matters.

So i woke up this morning and I checked my Verse of the day as usual and it was Psalm 27:14

"Today's Verse

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

— Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

Thoughts on Today's Verse...

If there is anything we don't like to do, it's wait. Maybe that is why God is so interested in us learning to do it! There is something purifying about remaining strong in tough times and remaining faithful when ill winds blow. So God gives us times of waiting to see if our search is really for him or merely for something new or easy.

My Prayer...

Loving Father, I know you have waited for me so many times -- for me to show my faith, repent of my sins, grow in holiness, come to you in prayer, act more mature, give to those who cannot return my care ... Help me as I wait for you to show me the way with my decisions, to act to relieve my need, and to reveal your presence in my loneliness. I really do seek you with all my heart. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."

-verseoftheday.com

Now I am out of my skin/my element/and in tears again. I am not sure... I have listened to that "wait" song twice already...

Last week this time I was experiencing the effects of my concussion. Look at me now... unaware? ungrateful for the restoration? NO! i am completely aware that it was an act of mercy and grace that I am able to sit here yet in that awareness I am on shaky ground about my allegiance to HIM and HIS plan. I am so tired of the ups and downs... I am so tired... Please pray for me...

I want my life to be about something more than just falling in love and marriage and children. although i desperately want those things I want to want HIM more :(

Love God and the rest will follow

the rest...

will follow...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tuf1HJLVzPU&feature=related

‎3 questions...

1: Does cold exist?

2: Does darkness exist?

3: Does evil exist?

-Lee C.

A friend posted this on his facebook status. I found these questions intriguing. not sure where he got it from or if he was asking them but my initial answer to all were: YES!

But then I thought about it a bit more... I realized that the answer is sooooo not so simple...

The truth of the matter is that

1:in the absence of heat, cold exists.

2:in the absence of light, darkness exists.

3:in the absence of good, evil exists.

So then I began to think about how just becasue its cold out, it wont snow. The clouds have to form, the sun has to be covered up and then the land can be cold enough to hold the snow.

When children are after of the dark, we get nightlights for them. This ensures that it will never be completely dark in their room. The only reason this is true is because the nightlight is lit all night.

This holds true for our lives. When we set God aside or dont engage with Him at all, we allow the evil to exist. Aside from existing, it can also form a stronghold in our lives.

My pastor this morning said there are 4 types of faith that show up in John 6.

-pessimistic faith

-questioning faith

-materialistic faith

and the only one that matters

-childlike faith

The first 3 of course are the ones that still exist in this world even among 'Christians.' However, the one that counts and is important is the childlike faith.

If this faith of believing that good exists and God exists is hard to form then the evil in our hearts will continue to form and grow.

I LOVE IT WHEN GOD CONNECTS LESSONS FOR ME!

Love God and the rest will follow!

Its been a while. A friend asked me the other day when I had blogged last and sadly I couldn't recall the date. That made it clear that I had to blog ASAP. Of course that was like 3 weeks ago. BUTTTT i finally made it here.

I am close to completing my work at UCF. I am 2 weeks away from completing all the work. 3 weeks away from officially graduating. sigh! last time i ran away from being responsible, this time i am so confused as to what i should do. part of me just wants to go back home to my folks and friends and what not BUT the other part wants to stay here.

I hate living "alone" anyone who has been around me long enough knows that. even being in the same apt with my brother still feels like i live alone because we never hang out. There are so many factors at play here that I am not sure if i am coming or going half the time. ALL this being said, God is still in control and on the throne! I know He is working out a master plan and I will wait patiently for what He has in store.

Vishwasa has been a fun blessing to me. All these youngens give me hope that there are some good people left in this world. To see their struggles saddens me but I know that if/when they come out of these trials, they will be that much stronger against the enemy. I just wanna shout to them to hold on and not to run away from God's plan for them. I know in my heat of hearts they have to fight it on their own. They have to see God working for/with/in them. They also have to see how the enemy is/will continue to attack them. Only they can learn the lessons, I can learn it for them. I pray that God is more prevalent in their lives than the enemy so that they can grow stronger against the enemy.

In the last month or two, I had some visitors. One from Jersey and one from Weston. Times spent with them have made summer fly by and i loved all of it. I also was able to take a road trip out to NOLA. We had the best people taking care of us, the pastor and his wife cant be beat. (can i get another burger with a side of mac-n-cheese pllllllease!) Memories to last a lifetime with my walkie talkie buddy/bff from college/sister in Christ! Love ya maverick! July 4th weekend and my buddy Gabriella!! Good times all around!

In all this I grew. My time in NOLA showed me how lost people are in this world. Soothsayers, tarot card readers and fortune tellers surrounded the courtyard of a church and it blew my mind. I was surrounded by vodoo shops and my gut shivered. I felt something in my soul when one of them stared me in the eye. These experiences showed me that this world isnt just what i deal with on a daily basis. Its so much more than that. I heard a testimony of a friend who joined other Christians who decided to "visit" during mardi gras. The experience of meeting God blew my mind but then hearing of the stories of meeting other spirits threw me off my axis altogether. The world we live in is not our own, friends.

I know I probably sound like a crazy woman but the thing is I have seen and experienced things in the recent months that can not be explained and/or ignored.

I want you all to know that ONLY GOD CAN KEEP YOUR SOUL SAFE. Only He knows who/what/when/where to battle the spirits and I promise you that if/when you tap into that world it is not something to tread lightly about. I do pray that all of you will come to see the promises of love and safety that God provides.

Also as a Christian family, my family at home found themselves in prayer for a baby's life. My IV and Vishwasa family here joined in as well. God has stayed true to who He is and blessed us through the trial. Please pray for this baby to continue to gain weight and grow strong after her surgery. Once again I have learned that He is in control and all is done for His glory!

Love God and the rest will follow...




p.s.
my prayer for my brother continues. God has shown favor on his life and saved him from injury during a recent car crash. My prayer is that my brother doesnt ignore the value in this. The prayer continues for him to find his TRUE self and that he finds his identity in God and not in people around him. I claim him/his life for Christ and will wait for the Lord!