I finally took a trip that I had been dreaming about for many years! My family and I went to the west coast. A family friend was getting married and so we planned a trip around that. This trip came together on moment by moment basis. While I thought this would bring my family closer, it might not have done that. In fact it might have pushed us all into our corners a little bit more. Sad! I know! but there must be a pain before the gain right? Something has happened in my family, that i thought we were immune to. We became dysfunctional. I never thought that would happen to us!!! Sadly, in the ignorance of thinking that we would always stay the same happy go lucky family, I lost my brother.

I lost my relationship, my friendship with my best friend! We have turned into acquaintances who speak only if we have to do so. In his journey to finding himself, i lost him. How ironic! He has found this group of people that he "does life with," whatever that means. His family is playing second string right now because in the last 4-5 years that transition occurred and none of us caught it. I will always love my brother, of course, but i dont know him anymore. These people take up his whole life and something feels wrong about it.

I have a distinct feeling that something else is going on in his life. I have no idea what it is, but I saw this online and it reminded me that as long as I pray to my God, i have HOPE!




So thats that my friends, I resolve to fight for my brother, no matter what it takes! no matter how much anger i feel, i hope to push it aside and pray for him. i ask that you pray for me in this fight. every time i feel like i am losing, i retreat and i know i cant retreat anymore. the enemy has beaten me down many times. i fallen prey to many traps where he has convinced me that i can not do any better than this. BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH AND I KNOW THAT I AM A CONQUEROR IN CHRIST'S LOVE!

i ask that you please pray for a cleansing of mind, body, thoughts for me so that i can focus on fighting for my brother. i need him to see that family is what sticks. i want him to see that family is who you "do life with." most of all i want him to see that doing good works will not make him a Christian but that recognizing sins and fighting with faith and submitting to God is how you show your Christianity. I love my brother and I want him back. I hope that you will join me in praying for him and my whole family as we go through this trial.

Love God and the rest will follow!

Couple days ago at work, I had a student say to me, "Its much easier to add than subtract!" while he was referring to math, my mind went racing into various applications to life. It is not easy to subtract attitudes from the norm of society. It is easier to add new accepted attitudes instead.

I find it easier for me to add new practices to my life, but even when i know something is bad for me, its a struggle to subtract it. When God points out that I need to subtract worldly behaviors in my life, I try to rationalize my behavior. How can I expect Him to add to my life when I am not willing to make any room?

I know I know, sounds so trivial. When i say "23+7" its easy for the majority of us to spit out "30" but when i say "23-7" it takes us a second to think about it. But apply it to life in general.

One of these days, you will run out of room to add, then? Do you stop adding? growing? Do you hit a plateau and stay there? Mountains might be hard to climb but after you have conquered the climb, ask any climber about what the want to do and its never "i just want to stay here forever!" They want to climb down and do it all over again. They want to add new climbs, harder climbs to their accomplishments. That is how they become better climbers, by growing in their skill. By doing this they are also subtracting anything in their body/mind that will stand in their way.

As a human, Christian or not, we have a life span. Do we use it to sit around? Do we add new skills to our list? Ever heard of a bucket list? Its a list of things you want to accomplish before you "kick the bucket." Not to sound morbid, but I believe everyone should have one. I mean we cant escape death, right? Might as well make the best of our lives before death finds you. You might as well die doing what you loved on earth.

So GROW, ADD, INCREASE YOUR SKILLS, but DONT you dare FORGET TO SUBTRACT the negativity, the mundane, the extra weight holding you back from being the best you can be. It might mean that old habits need to be erased from your life, people need to be curbed for now, lifestyles need to change. It will be hard, I KNOW! But in the end, adding is so much easier when you know the worth of what you are adding.

Love God and the rest will follow!

I was talking to a dear sister in Christ a week or so ago and during one of my rants, the words "Is He on pause in your life?" came out of my mouth. As much as I would like to take credit for this phrase, God put it there as a question to me. HAHAHAHAHA I know! dont you love how He operates?

For all the control freaks out there! This includes meeeeeeee :)

How many times in your life have you wrestled with God about things you WANT in your life? How about circumstances in your life? Do you ask Him how you can get out of it? How can we hit fast forward on this part of my life? Is there something you are holding on to?

Today, on my "birthday" I am essentially forced to recap all of what has happened in the last year and of course during my journey thus far.

"Tempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis" "Times change and we change with them"

-William Harrison

For me to say that things are the same as last year or even yesterday would be a lie and bad. Bad, because I hope none of us are living the same day over and over. We have to change, evolve, learn, grow and most of all be the best version of ourselves possible.

God gave me a wake up call this past year! If you asked me, a year ago where I saw myself, I wouldn't have seen/picked this. But He works in mysterious ways all culminating for the good of those who love Him. The thing with that quote is... times change, humans change, the earth changes butttttttttttttt GOD REMAINS THE SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY AND FOREVER!

We can bank on the fact that He continues to be there for us, wanting the best and hoping we would see Him in our lives. He is constantly in Play and we should keep it that way.

Love God and the rest will follow!