"I died in you..." -E.I.

I heard this line in a song this morning and it sent me for a spin! All these thoughts, memories and most of all the unresolved feelings and dreams came rushing back. I spent about 2 hours just thinking... pondering... contemplating... imagining life if i had not died inside that many years ago. To be healed, we have to walk through the pain, all these years, i think i just masked the pain behind life in general and today it all came apart. not a good time at all but all too necessary so that it is possible for me to walk away and leave it all in the past. will it happen over night? highly unlikely...

While I processed through the pain, i realized...

I LIVE IN CHRIST!

I...

LIVE!

The KING of KINGS and His Son gave me life eternal. I just wanna put it out there for anyone struggling with pain of any kind.

heartbreak?

someone close to you passing away unexpectedly??

dreams not coming true?

life coming apart at the seams?

Jesus can heal, restore and give purpose to our otherwise mundane and pain-filled life. He carries the pain and puts the burden on Himself and sets us FREE!

and that my friend is how

I!

LIVE!

IN!

CHRIST!

Love God and the rest will follow...

This weekend will go down in history as one of the hardest... the amount of people who got hitched/engaged/announced babies on my FB was ridiculous! I am happy and ecstatic for all these people and their life paths. I truly am...

BUT I kept doubting all weekend if what I was doing this whole time even made any sense? waiting? for what? and when is it coming? then yesterday one of the gals from IPC orlando posted the anthony evan song "wait" on her FB and i kinda snickered it away... didnt click on the link or anything.

I know what you are thinking...when is she gonna get it? if she would just trust and hold on it would happen... i am not lying when i say it seems to be getting harder than easier to hold on. i tried getting plugged in (i went to a bible study at church for singles and everyone there was at least 50 yrs older than me! that gave me a glimpse into my future of utter loneliness..FUNNNNNN!) i tried focusing my energy on the Word and while its been exciting to actually feel like i care about what the Bible says I still find myself during the day wondering if any of this matters.

So i woke up this morning and I checked my Verse of the day as usual and it was Psalm 27:14

"Today's Verse

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

— Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

Thoughts on Today's Verse...

If there is anything we don't like to do, it's wait. Maybe that is why God is so interested in us learning to do it! There is something purifying about remaining strong in tough times and remaining faithful when ill winds blow. So God gives us times of waiting to see if our search is really for him or merely for something new or easy.

My Prayer...

Loving Father, I know you have waited for me so many times -- for me to show my faith, repent of my sins, grow in holiness, come to you in prayer, act more mature, give to those who cannot return my care ... Help me as I wait for you to show me the way with my decisions, to act to relieve my need, and to reveal your presence in my loneliness. I really do seek you with all my heart. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."

-verseoftheday.com

Now I am out of my skin/my element/and in tears again. I am not sure... I have listened to that "wait" song twice already...

Last week this time I was experiencing the effects of my concussion. Look at me now... unaware? ungrateful for the restoration? NO! i am completely aware that it was an act of mercy and grace that I am able to sit here yet in that awareness I am on shaky ground about my allegiance to HIM and HIS plan. I am so tired of the ups and downs... I am so tired... Please pray for me...

I want my life to be about something more than just falling in love and marriage and children. although i desperately want those things I want to want HIM more :(

Love God and the rest will follow

the rest...

will follow...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tuf1HJLVzPU&feature=related

‎3 questions...

1: Does cold exist?

2: Does darkness exist?

3: Does evil exist?

-Lee C.

A friend posted this on his facebook status. I found these questions intriguing. not sure where he got it from or if he was asking them but my initial answer to all were: YES!

But then I thought about it a bit more... I realized that the answer is sooooo not so simple...

The truth of the matter is that

1:in the absence of heat, cold exists.

2:in the absence of light, darkness exists.

3:in the absence of good, evil exists.

So then I began to think about how just becasue its cold out, it wont snow. The clouds have to form, the sun has to be covered up and then the land can be cold enough to hold the snow.

When children are after of the dark, we get nightlights for them. This ensures that it will never be completely dark in their room. The only reason this is true is because the nightlight is lit all night.

This holds true for our lives. When we set God aside or dont engage with Him at all, we allow the evil to exist. Aside from existing, it can also form a stronghold in our lives.

My pastor this morning said there are 4 types of faith that show up in John 6.

-pessimistic faith

-questioning faith

-materialistic faith

and the only one that matters

-childlike faith

The first 3 of course are the ones that still exist in this world even among 'Christians.' However, the one that counts and is important is the childlike faith.

If this faith of believing that good exists and God exists is hard to form then the evil in our hearts will continue to form and grow.

I LOVE IT WHEN GOD CONNECTS LESSONS FOR ME!

Love God and the rest will follow!