One of my pastors mentioned a proverb the other day...

"Many people will miss heaven by 18 inches" -unknown

What does this relate to? apparently, it's the distance between your head and your heart!  *shivers down my spine* Why?

Well, I grew up in church, I can speak Christianese really well.  I have sat through countless Bible studies, I have taught several of them!  I have understood the basic tenets of my faith, defended them and can argue them if need be.  However, has it penetrated my heart?

Recently, I have been questioning my actions in the quiet.  I have turned into the person who goes home and watches Netflix for hours on end.  I don't even know what I am watching half the time, the other half I am making conscious decisions to watch shows and movies just to kill the time.  I have fallen behind on keeping up with friends, working on my writing, volunteering or even my baking. All I want to do these days is stare at my computer or tablet.  I have noticed this is affecting my ability to focus at work as well.  If its not in a video format, it doesn't seem to capture my attention for more than 20 minutes.

In addtion, a song has been following me around the last few weeks: "It is well..."

Here are the lyrics:

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well with my soul,
     It is well, it is well with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

As I write this i am chuckling because I see how God is trying to tell me something.  I am writhing in pain and crying out but have I taken a moment to just stop and sit in utter silence for like 15 mins? Well, of course not.  one of these days, I will have to actually practice some of this preaching to which I am listening.

In another sermon, a pastor said "Get rid of the 'rhuparia'" whats that? Look below! My soul is in pain and its because of all the RHUPARIA in my system.  I am so glad my God loves me that even when I am not investing in him, he is intune with me and is reaching out to me. Thank the Lord!!

Love God and the rest will follow!

The NAS New Testament Greek Lexicon

Strong's Number:   4507 Original Word ruparia Transliterated Word Rhuparia Phonetic Spelling Parts of Speech hroo-par-ee'-ah    Noun Feminine  Definition to make filthy, befoul to defile, dishonour to make filthy

Renewing of a lifestyle...

I have recently been in a reflective mood. I keep comparing my life to a year ago.

I was told looking back was not necessarily healthy but I am not looking back as if things were better or I wish I was living that life again. I definitely dont wish I was on unemployment again.  However, I am looking back to see how God has grown me, how i have let Him down but He has still held me together. 

My pastor said tonight:

Patient continuance in well doing and holiness is the only sure evidence of grace.

No matter what I have to persevere, I have to hold on to God. People can be in bondage to sin and most people wont admit it. It doesnt even have to obvious.  Cravings for pleasure or excitement can lead to someone who because a prisoner to pornography.

There will come a time when misery will be the only result and it will hit us hard if we dont take steps to walk away. TAP INTO JESUS. He is the only one who can lead us away from sin.

BREAK EVERY CHAIN FATHER!

Awaken us and show us whats holding us back from connecting with you completely.

Today, I ask God for forgiveness for looking for pleasure in places other than in His plans for me.  I ask God for freedom from the chains that hold me back from experiencing His world. I pray, God, for peace in knowing that you are going to always set my paths straight and all I have to do is trust. Thank you for being patient and thank you for never forsaking me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Love God and the rest will follow.

525600

One of the songs I enjoy the most is the one from Rent, "525,600 minutes..."

September ended with a bang, it was very stressful and I kept reminding myself that last year at this time I was in a state of suspended animation almost. I knew not what lay ahead of me yet I kept moving forward with each day.

Then again, isn't that everyday any way?  I am trying very hard to not quote King Solomon at my mundane tasks,  "meaningless, meaningless everything is meaningless..."  I want to scream it but I have a hope deep inside that it isn't meaningless.  it isn't, my life thus far hasn't been, so why start now???

Last year I didnt know how long I would be unemployed, when would I get a means of an income, how would I pay my bills? However, I had a peace.  It sounds completely insane but I was in a place of utter surrender.  Today? I am back to running in the hamster wheel and in the last 10 months, I have somehow started to think I was in control? Maybe? HAH!

So I did a fast, I did 40 days of surrender, I tried everything to force myself into utter surrender yet I was still struggling to believe that everything is taken care of by the same God who has taken care of me all of these years. Why? I had to remind myself of how BIG my God really was, I needed to come back to the basics. I need to be a friend of God. I didnt hang out with Him enough and so I didnt "know" him, I had forgotten his attributes.  Just as any other friendship, I needed to hang out and chat with Jesus.  I needed to tell him my thoughts and feelings but more importantly, I needed to listen and be attentive.

So? We come back to the basics.

Love God and the rest will follow...

IT WILL!