525600

One of the songs I enjoy the most is the one from Rent, "525,600 minutes..."

September ended with a bang, it was very stressful and I kept reminding myself that last year at this time I was in a state of suspended animation almost. I knew not what lay ahead of me yet I kept moving forward with each day.

Then again, isn't that everyday any way?  I am trying very hard to not quote King Solomon at my mundane tasks,  "meaningless, meaningless everything is meaningless..."  I want to scream it but I have a hope deep inside that it isn't meaningless.  it isn't, my life thus far hasn't been, so why start now???

Last year I didnt know how long I would be unemployed, when would I get a means of an income, how would I pay my bills? However, I had a peace.  It sounds completely insane but I was in a place of utter surrender.  Today? I am back to running in the hamster wheel and in the last 10 months, I have somehow started to think I was in control? Maybe? HAH!

So I did a fast, I did 40 days of surrender, I tried everything to force myself into utter surrender yet I was still struggling to believe that everything is taken care of by the same God who has taken care of me all of these years. Why? I had to remind myself of how BIG my God really was, I needed to come back to the basics. I need to be a friend of God. I didnt hang out with Him enough and so I didnt "know" him, I had forgotten his attributes.  Just as any other friendship, I needed to hang out and chat with Jesus.  I needed to tell him my thoughts and feelings but more importantly, I needed to listen and be attentive.

So? We come back to the basics.

Love God and the rest will follow...

IT WILL!

Fear...

I got trapped in an elevator recently.  I am mildly claustrophobic but I was in there alone and there was air flowing so I wasn't immediately alarmed. 

I panicked a bit at the onset of the realization that the elevator was stalled but I had a choice to make regarding my next steps.  Panicked, I would be more erratic.  Calm, I would be able to be more logical about next steps.

I am not exaggerating when I say, it would take me a few mins to actually choose logic. InitIally, I pushed every button and wished something would jolt the elevator to restart its course. Then I felt a calm come over me as I started to think it through.

I looked around and assessed my situation.  I was alone, good I dont have to worry about creepy men or women.  I had air flowing, and it was lit.  Next, I checked the intercom in the elevator, there wasn't one... however, my phone had service! So I texted my friends and my brother. Some of it was to solicit help, others for prayer.

All the while, I kept thinking about the verse that says that God wont bring you to something that will overtake you. I wasn't forsaken.  At one point, I had to consider the reality that I would drop 10 floors and meet my Maker. Yea, I know, calm down kid!

Obviously, it goes without saying that I got out and I have been trying to be more intentional about my actions.

Love God and the rest will follow.

A better start than most

I woke up this morning to find myself swaddled in my sheets. I guess I wasn't ready for the chill overnight. Something about that swaddle was comforting and I would not have woken up if it weren't for the obligation of work.

I walked out of my door with Chris botti in my ears, and a crisp breeze in my face. Its Rosh Hashanah today and it feels like a new start indeed.  You see this summer has been busy and somewhat of a struggle in the area of "my future."

I have had several 'Come to Jesus' moments in the last 4 months about what I want and need for my future.  I have gone back and forth with trusting and believing that God really is in the business of taking care of my wants as much as He provides for my needs.  I, also, traveled a lot or worked over the weekend so I havent had many days to rest recently.

Overall, the fall marks a time in my life that I hope involves some relaxing moments with Jesus and tea.  I have some goals to accomplish in the student loan repayment area but other than that, I hope that this upcoming season is one of just connecting with Jesus.

If you are struggling today with making decisions or believing that God really cares for you, then take some time to just sit with some worship music or even sit in silence.  Ask God to speak and He surely will do so.  He is, if anything, constant and always waiting to hear and speak to His own. He loves. He cares. He is there for you.

Love God and the rest will follow.